According to Wikipedia, co-parenting “…refers to a parenting situation where adults share the duties of parenting a child. Coparents may include a variety of configurations, including a mother and a father, two mothers, two fathers, a parent with an adult sibling or grandparent, or a parent and another adult relative.” – source
This does not mean that the children spend equal time with each parent. What it REALLY means is that BOTH parents must put together a plan to work together for their child(ren).
Sometimes, this means that sometimes the parents have to make some sacrifices and compromises.
What Is The Best Way To Co-Parent?
The “best interest of the child” is the focus and goal of any co-parenting arrangement. With this in mind, here are some tips on the best way to co-parent.
1) Be kind – no matter how you may feel about your ex, that person is still your child’s other parent. Bad talking him or her in front of or worse, to your child can only hurt your child now and in their future.
It’s understandable that putting aside your emotional feelings about your ex can be very difficult. We understand.
But your goal, as a parent, is to keep your child as safe and stable as possible. You want to promote their happiness.
If you and your ex remain at war indefinitely, you are sacrificing your child(ren)’s right to be a child.
Your anger with your ex may cause anxiety for your child(ren) and may have a negative impact on their lives even if you believe that they aren’t aware of your feelings towards your ex.
Regardless of how you feel about your ex, they remain the other parent to your child(ren) and are still an important part of your child(ren)’s lives.
2) Sometimes sacrifices need to be made – Recently there were two articles that featured ex-wives donating kidneys to their ex-husbands. Both women stated that they donated their kidneys because while they may no longer be married to their ex-husbands, the men were still the fathers of their children.
One of the women commented that while she and her husband were no longer together, they were still family because of their children. The most important thing was the children’s happiness and so she was willing to make that sacrifice.
While donating an organ is an extreme example, it is important to understand that sometimes parents must be willing to sacrifice something that might be important to them in order to ensure the children’s happiness.
3) Learn to compromise – co-parenting is a team effort (just like parenting) and along with that comes the need to compromise every now and then.
As children grow up, they will remember and appreciate the times you compromised on a holiday or gave up a weekend so that they were able to do something special with the other parent.
This does not mean that you should give in to every request from the other parent at the cost of your time with your child(ren), but if the request is reasonable and can be done, then make the sacrifice without expecting a reward.
Put aside your anger and act in the best interests of your child(ren).
You will find that, in the long run, you will be less angry and probably happier, and your children will be happier as well.
4) Discuss and set schedules – things most always run more smoothly when there’s a schedule in place.
Take the time to discuss a schedule with your ex and if appropriate, include your child(ren) as well.
Again, be willing to sacrifice and compromise if and when needed for the benefit of your children.
5) Keep your ex informed – whatever happens to your children should be of importance to both parents. So, keep each other in the loop.
- If your child is having trouble in school – let your ex know.
- If your child has the flu or a cold – let your ex know.
- If your child is dating someone – let your ex know.
By keeping each other informed you can then co-parent your child effectively to the best of your abilities.
These tips should help you see what a good co-parenting situation looks like.
But they can also teach your child(ren) that just because their parents aren’t married any longer, does not mean that they can’t get along. That sense of safety and stability from having a set of parents vs. a single parent is still there for them.
If you have questions about whether you should be compromising or preparing to litigate, give a call to Men’s Rights Law Firm for a consultation at 239-829-0166.