10. Don’t wait, file the papers. A lot of men go back and forth on whether to go through with divorce. Others know their marriage is over, but they simply procrastinate. If you know for certain that your marriage is over, and it is in fact irretrievably broken, don’t wait to file the petition for dissolution. The date of filing affects things such as alimony and equitable distribution, so it would be to your benefit not to wait.
9. Get your own residence. If you’ve moved out, and you can afford it, don’t just move back in with your parents or a friend. Begin to move forward by establishing a residence of your own. Not only will this help you move forward mentally and emotionally, but it helps to provide a clearer picture of your actual monthly income and expenses, which both go to determining things like alimony.
8. Don’t fight. If you haven’t moved out already, try your best to keep the peace. You don’t need to force feed your perspectives and fight over the details of everything now; that’s why we have lawyers and judges. Besides, heated arguments will not help anything. In fact, if you let it get to that point, you may wind up defending yourself in domestic violence court, which may hurt your case and put a dent in your wallet.
7. Maintain good records. If since your separation you have been voluntarily operating a time sharing schedule with your wife, mark down your days on a calendar. If you choose to voluntarily pay your wife support for the children, until an agreement or court order, do so by paying with a check that states that it is for child support with the date. These records will be helpful later on when it comes to establishing a court ordered time sharing schedule and child support, if any.
6. Stay Organized. At the outset of divorce proceedings, each party will be required to do a variety of things. Financial Affidavits, Mandatory Disclosure, and Parenting Classes are all requirements of the court. Find out what your lawyer needs from you right away, and if you are confused about what you need to do, don’t be afraid to ask again. Your attorney may have been through this many times before, but for you, it is understandable if this is your first time. Use the resources available to you, such as the paralegals, to help you complete the leg work and maintain a level of completeness and organization with your documents. This will ultimately allow your attorney to be more efficient, thereby saving him/her time, and you money. Plus, the more thorough you are, the clearer an understanding he/she will have of your situation.
5. Communicate. Never assume anyone truly understands your situation, or what you are thinking. Communicate with your legal team as to your situation, as well as your overall goals. Litigation is costly, so it is vital to have the best possible plan in place to try and achieve your goals, while not wasting time or money. Moreover, it is understandable that people’s lives change. It is very important that you keep your legal team up to date on things that have changed in your life, as well as if things are effecting your ability to maintain your agreement with your attorney. Don’t just let things go, keep everyone involved informed, and it will allow your attorney to keep you up to date on all of your options throughout this process.
4. Keep an Open Mind. As your case moves along through the system, remember that Mediation is a requirement. So keep an open mind leading into that process. It is no surprise if you and your soon to be ex can’t agree on some things, as that’s what may have lead you to this divorce in the first place. However, most men need to be reminded that there is a time and place to argue, and mediation isn’t it. Save the arguing for court, and try to find ways to be optimistic and amicable as you search for reasonable ways to resolve everything. And don’t worry, keeping an open mind doesn’t mean you have to give in on anything. If you are set on your stance for a particular issue(s), rest assured you’ll have your chance to argue about it in front of the judge.
3. Stay Focused. For a lot of men, they are acting on a limited budget and this divorce is rocking their entire world. Don’t get caught up in all of the drama, or seek to use your legal support team to try and vent about every single little issue that comes up. There is no question that your legal team may be compassionate and very sympathetic of your circumstances, but remember, you’re paying for their time. So, that time would be better spent on substantive issues to help move your case along. If you need therapy to help cope with this situation, then don’t delay, and ask your support team if they can refer you to a professional to whom you can receive such help. Otherwise, if you’re not careful, you can spend a lot of money on emails and phone calls, most of which may not be helping your overall cause move forward. Instead of getting frustrated and sending out multiple emails venting about every possible outcome, pull out your petition and review over what you’re asking the court to do. Consider that pleading like a road map. Each time you feel like you’re overwhelmed and getting lost again in all of this, re-read what you are affirmatively requesting the court to do, and use your time to help your attorney organize how you are going to prove up what you are requesting in support of that petition.
2. Pick and Choose your Arguments. Remember that family court is a court of equity. You are not here to punish the other party. Moreover, you may not win the day on every single issue. It is vital, that at the outset of the case, as well as leading into every other major stage of litigation (i.e., Mediation, Trial, etc.), that you have reasonable expectations and understand which issues you are willing to fight over and which issues you are willing to bend on. Ultimately, throughout this entire process, you will come to see that there is a lot of give and take, and you may be required to do a cost benefit analysis to determine how best to move forward in your life.
1. Do what’s best for the Child(ren). Finally, don’t forget that you and your spouse are not the only ones going through this divorce. Do everything you can to put the children first when thinking about how to settle everything. However, don’t discuss the litigation with the children, or get them involved. Remember that this is hard enough on the child(ren) without being dragged into the middle of all of this, and moreover the courts disfavor such involvement. Finally, take a deep breath, take one day at a time, and focus on your child(ren); they need you now more than ever, and it is in their best interest that you put them first while the process moves along. There is no question that during, and post, divorce everyone’s life will be different, so try to focus on the positives and move forward in the best way possible for your children, as well as yourself.