Domestic Violence is a very unfortunate reality in our society. When communication breaks down, people often resort to physical violence to express their frustrations. You would hope that after all these years you and your spouse could both remain amicable as you trudge through this overwhelmingly emotional time, but neither of you can, because it hurts, and you’ve never disagreed more in all the time you’ve known each other. Most people understand the effects of domestic violence as being physical, however what most don’t consider are all the mental and emotional effects it has on individuals, as well as their children. And if you are approaching the end of your marriage, it will most certainly have a direct financial and legal effect on your divorce as well.
So what do you do? First, avoid physical confrontations. If you’ve done all you can do in trying to talk things out, and the arguments have begun to escalate, it is better to leave and let tempers cool off. Your best defense is to say nothing at all; leave, and deescalate the situation. Also, do not resort to text and social media attacks to get back at the other party; that will only complicate things, and may be used as evidence against you in court. What a lot of people don’t realize is that the police don’t need to be called in order to allege that domestic violence has occurred. A potential domestic violence plaintiff can simply go to the courthouse themselves and file paperwork alleging that they were either a victim of domestic violence, or that they fear that they are imminently going to be a victim of domestic violence.
However, some individuals seem to try and use domestic violence court improperly, as a means to simply oust an individual from their home and alienate them from their children. Violence is the subject matter for domestic violence court. Divorce issues are the subject matter for family court. If you aren’t proactive in trying to deescalate the emotions, you may find yourself in a situation where you are being dragged into court to defend against allegations of domestic violence, which ultimately cost money and priceless emotional capital, all while not moving you closer towards your goal of being divorced and moving on with your life. Defending cases like these is difficult, because parties are often overwhelmed by their embarrassment, emotions, and frustrations; and it all mounts as you sit in a courtroom full of people while you both air your dirty laundry in front of total strangers.
Remember, divorce is brutal. It is a time in your life that will consume you and your finances. Add in allegations of domestic violence, and for some men, they may end up spending a lot of the money they planned to use on the divorce, now defending against the domestic violence case. And that’s only the money. What if the court agrees with the other party and an injunction issues against you? If it is just on behalf of your spouse, then you cannot have any contact with her. You may be able to still see your children, but it will definitely have an effect in the long run. If it is on behalf of your spouse and your children, then you won’t be able to have contact with either. You may also be ousted from your home. For how long, you ask? Injunctions can last for specified periods of time (e.g., six months, etc.), or even until “further order of the court”, which means an open ended period of time that will last unless, and until, a judge orders otherwise. Once you file for divorce after a domestic violence injunction issues, then you are not only dealing with the added costs of defending against such a claim, which adds a lot of stress, but you will also now be dealing with a few different substantive issues with your divorce that are a direct effect of that injunction as well. First, if you are ousted from your home, you may still be required to maintain status quo with the bills, thereby paying for the roof over your spouse’s and/or children’s head(s), all while you are having to find a new place to live for yourself. Second, domestic violence will also likely have a negative effect on you when the court determines things like parental responsibility and time sharing with the minor children. Florida Statute 61.13(3)(m) is one of the many factors that the court uses specifically in determining parenting plans and looks specifically at any evidence of domestic violence.
These are just a few of the foreseeable effects domestic violence will have on your divorce. If your relationship is reaching a point where it is unmanageable, don’t argue, you need to get help. There are family law professionals who can help guide you through this process. If you, or someone you know, is dealing with a highly contentious marriage that is breaking down, don’t hesitate, contact a family law professional today. If you are a victim of domestic violence, or reasonably fear that you may be a victim of domestic violence, don’t hesitate, find the strength to stand up for yourself and reach out to a professional for help.